#sweethartlullaby ꕤ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sweethartlullaby · 5 months ago

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through a thousand lives for you

word count: 10548 genre/theme: angst, historical warnings: death, suicide, self harm for readers that would like to skip the self-harm portion, please stop reading at the "***" and continue once it appears again as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“You’re not going home?” You look up to see your colleague leaning on the door frame, bag strapped across his chest.

“I just have a few more things to do then I’ll be on my way.” You smile back and he nods before waving goodbye. “Just beware of hiddens, you know they love vulnerable youngsters after hours.”

“Then close the door!” You call out and he does.

This is the best part of your day.

Besides the minimal risk of a hidden intruding the office, the serenity is incomparable to any other pleasure in life. It has only happened once before and it was a decade ago. Plus, with new enforcement, you were certain that hiddens no longer existed.

You slave away on the papers in front of you for a few more hours and when you realise the sun has long gone, you finally file everything away and take your bag.

Just as you pack your final things up, the door bursts open and a man stumbles in.

Blood streaks down the side of his forehead and his red handprint is clear against the wooden door. It seems to take everything in him to approach you, only steps away from where he came in from.

His free hand clutches the side of his chest and the blood drips down onto the floor. You are frozen. You clutch onto your bag tightly, praying that your peaceful land will not be the reason for your death.

He only says one word.

“Please.”

Then he collapses.

Let his anger be the bars to his prison, and the light to his peace.

They say the library is a sea of information and reading is easy. But the amount of information they have on hiddens was small and useless. And it wouldn’t count at all if he wasn’t one.

It repeated the same things, harmful stereotypes that gave no actual information, things to look for that were general to mankind. Even if you tried to apply it to this stranger, you wouldn’t find your answer.

So, was he a hidden?

Who else would be this injured?

It was too late to call for anyone. Everyone else left the building and patrol wasn’t for another hour. You had placed a cushion under his head and you had also stitched the slash across his ribs.

It was deep and long, and with every moment you wasted, the man was one step closer to the light. That was the first thing you thought of after you moved him.

You were no surgeon. However, you would argue that being a librarian and having the will to stop blood gushing out of this man’s body was good enough this time. So you cleaned and stitched his wound, wincing at the thought of how the alcohol from this forgotten first aid kit would sting him if he was awake.

You had never had so much blood on your hands.

You were wiping his face with your scarf and as you gently dabbed away under his eyes, you couldn’t help but notice how soft his features were. He no longer looked like the scary intruder that threatened your soul to leave your body.

He was just a man.

Once he was clean enough, you stood to toss your scarf away, which was when you noticed his weapon in front of the door. His sword, its handle stained with his blood, lay as still as its owner, waiting to be awoken again. He had nothing else but the small map you noticed peeking out of his pocket.

There was no destination, no X, no mark.

Just a trail that led exactly to where you wanted to go.

You were a light sleeper, so the rustle of him packing his things and the small groans he elicited were more than enough to have you sitting up from your desk.

He didn’t seem to mind you at all.

He kept packing his things while he took in deep, strained breaths. For a moment, you thought he didn’t notice you. But once he was finished packing, he clutched the side of his ribs again and lifted his eyes to yours.

“Thank you.” He sighed and tied his sword to his waist before he began to exit.

“Wait!” You stuttered out, circling outside of your desk and running after him. His laboured breath was enough to tell you he wasn’t fit to leave yet. More importantly…

“Let me go.” He grunted as he dragged himself towards the exit. But you push yourself to run past him. With arms wide open, you blocked his only way out. He looked tired, as if he didn’t want to waste another moment with the person who saved him.

So you said the thing you figured would make him listen.

“I have your locket.” You gasped out.

It was probably your imagination but you might have seen his ears twitch. However, you definitely saw his eyes narrow and he stood taller. You wondered, was this what all his victims saw in their final moments?

“Give it back.” He demanded but you didn’t budge. “I said-”

“You’re going to help me first.” You said, with as much confidence as you could muster, but your head was questioning everything.

Just give him the damn locket, idiot.

“I’m not helping anyone.” He took a step closer and you leaned away from him, back colliding against the wooden door. “Give me back my locket. I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

“No.” You were trying your best to not cower. He didn’t say anything else. But he took a step towards you and in one swift movement, he spun your body and grabbed your wrists, keeping them locked in his palm.

As he pushed you against the door, he used his other hand to search you.

“I’m…It’s not on me.” The words you said were so different from what you were thinking. You knew this was a bad idea. The array of weapons you found on him told you that he wasn’t someone to test. But your goal was bigger, stronger, it could overpower any fear you felt at this moment.

“Where is it?” He demanded, hands still patting you down.

“I’ll tell you if you help me.”

“I’m sparing you already. Isn’t that enough?” He grunted, finally stopping the swats against your body.

“I think that’s the bare minimum after I saved you.” You breathed out. He might have chuckled when you said that. Maybe it was just your brain trying to block out the fear.

You weren’t sure what was flowing through you at this moment. Was it excitement that he would cave in or nerves from the possibility of dying?

“What do you even need help with?” He didn’t spin you back around.

“To go back home.”

“Patrol helps with that.”

“No, my hometown.” You said, a little quieter. He paused.

“The docks aren’t far from here. Tickets can be bought there too.” He said bluntly.

“Do you think I haven’t tried that?” You tried to spin but he pushed you onto the door again, a little too harshly this time.

“I don’t have to help you.”

“Then I guess you don’t need your locket.”

“I can force it out of you.”

“Isn’t it a hidden code to never hurt women and children?” You blurted out and it took him two beats of silence to answer.

“What makes you think I’m a hidden?”

“Weapons, blood…No one gets hurt this bad as a citizen.” You said. “So, help me and I’ll hide your identity and also give you your locket.”

It had fallen out of his palm when you were cleaning his wound. You cleaned it off his blood and hid it somewhere you knew would be hard to get. You found that there was no picture inside but there was a fragment of a pearl.

“Fair?”

“If you’re smart enough to figure out I’m a hidden then you’re smart enough to know that we don’t travel in groups, especially with clueless and reckless civilians.” He finally spun your body to face him and he stared at you.

“I’m not a burden.”

“Doesn’t count when you’re the one saying it.” You were almost there, you could tell he was close to giving up. You just had to lure him in a little more.

“Just bring me on the ship to my hometown then we can part ways.” You reasoned. “Women can’t get on without an escort.” He kept his gaze fixed on you but you could see the gears spinning in his head.

“Don’t think for a second,” He came closer. “I would save you over myself.” He said through gritted teeth.

You just nodded.

The docks were north of the town. It wouldn’t take long for you to travel with the carriages. But travelling with a hidden meant sticking to paths no one else knew about. It meant weaving through trees in the forest instead of walking in broad daylight.

You weren’t allowed to pack much. You weren’t surprised, but you were hoping you could take more than a flask and scarf. He carried nothing else besides his sword. The snow falling on his head didn’t seem to bother him, but you couldn’t stand the specks of ice wetting your hair.

“What are you going to be doing in my hometown?” You jogged up to walk next to him. He was quite fast.

“I have someone to kill.”

“Oh.” Your mouth had run dry. Of course he did.

“Better not be someone I know.” You tried to joke but he only raised an eyebrow at you.

You cleared your throat. “I’m only poking fun.”

He didn’t say anything.

The both of you walked for a couple more hours and he stopped you when the skies were starting to turn orange.

“We’ll rest here for tonight.” He halted in front of a large tree, its leaves protecting you from the snowfall. “I’ll get us some wood.”

As he searched for fallen bark, you were left behind, staring at your makeshift bed as you waited for him. It was…definitely a bed…you supposed.

It’s just this time. Tomorrow, you’ll find someplace else to sleep.

You sat, leaning on the tree as comfortably as you could. Your hunger wouldn’t let you rest peacefully, so you had no choice but to wait for him to return.

While he was gone, you took the locket and turned it around between your fingers. You couldn’t quite figure out why the fragment of a pearl was so important. It wouldn’t even sell much, with how broken and small it was.

As soon as you heard his soft steps on the snow, you tucked it away.

He brought back a few berries and wood and when he started to light the fire, you could only watch. When the berries were finished and the both of you were leaning on different sides of the tree, you finally broke the silence.

“How’d you become a hidden?” You murmured softly. You thought he wouldn’t answer you.

“I wanted justice.”

“This person you want to kill,” You paused, cautious of your words. “What did they do?”

“He took something from me.”

You thought of the locket and the broken pearl in it.

“Must have been important…” You muttered.

“Yeah, she was.” A lost loved one, you knew you didn’t have to ask more. “Why do you want to go back?” He asked.

“It’s more of a closure thing.” You shrugged.

“How mysterious.” He said it with such a monotone voice, you weren’t sure if he was teasing.

“Rich, coming from a hidden.” You joked, hoping he would play along. “What do you do anyway? Just kill people?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty much the job.”

“Well,” You turned on your side, facing his direction. “How do you choose them? Is someone hiring you?”

“What difference does it make?”

“Well, now we know it’s not fully on you.” You were sitting up now, hoping he would tell more. You could see him shaking his head.

“It doesn’t matter whether I do it because someone told me to or it was my own will. Murder is murder.”

“Then why are you going to kill someone? If you know it’s wrong-”

“I never said that affected me.”

“So you don’t think it’s wrong?”

“I never said that either.”

“Then, what are you saying?” You almost groaned the words out.

He turned to face you, leaning his head on the tree trunk. The glow of the fire made him look less frightening. “It is what it is and I’m not trying to justify it. It’s just…” His words trailed off and you noticed his eyes wander behind you.

“What?” You asked, still clueless. “It’s just wh-” Before you could finish, he clasped a hand above your lips, muffling your next words. His other hand held your head, trapping you between his palms.

“Shh, someone’s here.” He motioned for you to stay silent then in one swift move, he pulled you upwards. He was still cautiously watching the space behind you with sharp eyes and a deadly gaze. If he hadn’t scared them off, they must be serious.

“I’m going to give you a lift and you’re going to climb, understand?” He whispered, eyes still not on you. You nodded regardless.

“Okay,” He took his hands off you and clasped them low enough for you to stand on them before he pushed you upwards. You immediately grasped the thickest branch, praying it didn’t break. With all your strength, you pulled yourself upwards with both arms before sitting atop the tree’s arm.

It was only when you were leaning on the tree trunk, catching your breath, that you realised he watched to make sure that you got on safely.

“Don’t move.” He whispered once you noticed him. Before you could respond, a twig snapped to your left, signalling danger.

He didn’t draw his sword immediately. Instead, he waited and only took small, careful steps towards the rest of the forest, something you found strange.

Why would he walk towards danger?

In the blink of an eye, a figure lunged at him. He evaded the attack, quickly swaying to his side to dodge the enemy. Another person ran out of the shadows, raising his sword above to slash him.

But he was quicker.

With a cling and a squelch, he had sliced through the opponent’s stomach. However, he had no time to waste. The other man had picked himself up and he was bigger than his friend. You felt worry rise in your throat.

Nothing changed.

It was magical, watching him fight his enemy with such grace. It was almost as if he was dancing, He moved so easily, you wondered how long he had been doing this.

He was silent too, only small groans knocked out of him in the rare moments he was hit.

The loudest sound he made was just as you formed your thoughts. His enemy had punched him at the side, where his stitches were. Given his condition, it must have caught him off guard. The opponent landed another punch up his jaw, knocking him backwards.

His lean body stumbled backwards and you could see the enemy tower over him. You had to do something.

But what could you do that wasn’t burdensome?

You gave it some thought. You had no weapon, no fighting skills, no strength. But perhaps…

There was no more time. It had to be now.

So, you stood on top of the branch and you jumped, letting your entire weight drag you towards the ground, towards this dangerous man.

And it worked…well, almost…

You let out a grunt as you landed atop his shoulders, barely breaking his posture. However, in the moment you were able to distract him, it was enough for him to grab his blade and slice.

Their blood splattered on your face.

You fell with the man, whose weight would have suffocated you if you were fully underneath him. Your hidden pulled you out and once you were standing in front of him, he held you by the shoulders and quickly scanned you.

“I’m fine.” You exhaled.

“What were you thinking?” He said through gritted teeth but you waved him off. When you tried to move away from him, his grip on you tightened. “That was dangerous! You have no idea what he could have done to you.”

“He would’ve hurt me anyway after he was done with you.” You argued. “We’re alive, I don’t see why you’re angry.” You brushed the snow off your clothes.

“You could have gotten killed.” You didn’t know someone could speak so calmly when they were clearly upset. You were about to say something when you noticed the growing dark red stain on his clothes.

“Your stitches came off.” You reached for him but he shook you off and held you down even harder.

“You can’t do that again. It’ll be dangerous for both of us.” He ordered but your eyes were still on his wound. His grip on your shoulders grew tighter and your concern immediately grew.

“You’re hurt.”

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “Tell me you won’t do that again.”

“I’m not telling you anything! I don’t have anything with me to fix you up, we need to go back to the town.”

“Tell me,” His breathing was a little too ragged for you to ignore him once again. “Tell me, you won’t put yourself in harm’s way again.” You lifted your eyes to see him pleading.

“Only if you promise we go back to town and find help.”

He hesitated…but he eventually gave in.

“Fine.” He huffed then finally released you.

He wouldn’t lean on you, despite how badly he was limping.

“It’ll just slow us down.” He said. You wished he would just listen to you, but you realised he had probably learned to not trust anyone else but himself.

The sun was about to rise. Night patrol was starting to head back to their homes and shops were beginning to open. You knew you had to move quicker. Once you spotted the familiar bakery, you ran with haste, knowing he could keep up with you.

Once he stood with you by the back door, he finally let out a wince and held his side. The both of you had been walking for about 1 hour to get here. With a rip of your skirt, you were able to wrap something around his wound in the meantime. But you could tell he was getting weaker.

“Where are we?” He breathed out, a cloud pushed past his lips.

“A friend’s. She’ll be able to help.” You knocked on the door three times before you paused then knocked again. She immediately opened the door with her usual unwelcoming face.

“What do you want?” The old lady demanded and you nudged your head towards the injured man. Once she set eyes on him, she reached to close the door, but you held it open.

“You owe me.” It was about time you cashed it in anyway. She took a moment before she finally responded.

“Upstairs and be quiet.” She hissed and you smiled.

“Of course.”

You told him to rest and he didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as you were finished stitching his wound again, he was already asleep. With his dreams clouding his senses, you didn’t need to worry too much about him hearing your conversation.

“Why are you messing with hiddens?” Your friend asked, too much venom in the last word.

“I’m leaving and he’s helping me.” You explained.

“They’re not good companions. He would probably leave you to die.” You thought of the disagreement you had with him earlier. He seemed so worried.

“I just need his help to get on the docks then we go separate ways.”

“You could have asked anyone else.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Are you suggesting my boss or even my colleague would have helped me make the trip?” She only sighed.

“You’re playing a dangerous game.” She whispered and you took a sip of your tea. You knew she was right, but you couldn’t admit it fully yet.

“Thank you for helping us.” You murmured.

“We’re even now.” She stood from her seat and walked to the front of her shop. As she pushed the curtains aside, you went back up. Light was already pouring in from the windows, and the rays glided over his face. You drew the curtains closed so they wouldn’t wake him then sat beside his mat.

Just like before, he didn’t look threatening. And knowing what you knew now, he looked softer. You wouldn’t imagine that someone like him was a killer.

You had to wash his clothes so the only thing covering him was the blanket. His hair had been released from its bun and it now fell across his shoulders. You checked the stitch again, worried it might have broken while he shuffled in his sleep.

As the hours passed by, the sounds of people on the streets could be heard from inside. It was soft and familiar. The muffled murmur made you slide down next to him, falling asleep.

“Hey,” You heard it the first time, but you wanted to stay asleep anyways. “We have to go.” He was gently tapping you when you opened your eyes. His silhouette hovered over you and caught you surprised to learn he didn’t smell like blood.

“You don’t smell sweaty.” You whispered and he laughed a little. Strange, it was so melodic.

“I rinsed myself outside. Your friend gave us some soap.” As your vision cleared, you noticed he was wearing his loose top, his skin still visible underneath. You wished you could stop staring.

When he noticed what your eyes were on, he cleared his throat and covered himself up.

“Thanks for washing it.” You nodded and turned away, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush on your cheeks.

Once you got up, you gave yourself a quick rinse too. With ice in the air, showering was quicker than ever. He was all dressed when you returned.

“Do you know what time the docks close?” You asked as you shrugged on your thicker layer.

“They usually stop people at sunset. That gives us a few hours.” He was turned towards the window, averting his eyes from you.

“Through the forest or the town?”

“The town.” He said as you tied a knot around your clothes.

“We’ll go through town this time?” You asked.

“If we’re quick enough, there shouldn’t be a problem.” You stayed silent. You knew he was only referring to you. He would probably get there by noon if he was on his own.

“Okay,” You turned around and saw him staring out the window. “I’m all ready.” He pushed himself off the wall and fastened his sword on his waist. Without another word, the two of you left.

You thanked your friend and bid your farewell. You weren’t sure when you would see the old lady again but you silently hoped that you would cross paths again someday. She would probably have wished otherwise.

As the two of you trudged through the snow, you realised he was still trying his best not to wince with every step.

“Are your stitches okay?”

“Yes, it's just…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “It just hurts sometimes.” You weren’t sure how to console him. You brought no food and no medicine. The effects of the salve your friend gave him weren’t going to last long, but you didn’t expect that it had faded by now.

“What about we stop for some food? A warm meal might-”

“No, we’re heading to the docks and…” His breaths were heavier. “We don’t need to stop for anything. I’m fine.”

You stayed silent the rest of the way.

“You’re too shaky,” He said, causing you to stop fidgeting with your fingers. “Relax, they’ll let us in.” He murmured but you couldn’t brush the feeling off. How was he so sure?

“Your pass, sir?” The guard asked and he flashed a wooden card. You held your breath, hoping he would let the both of you go.

The guard narrowed his eyes at you and you tried your hardest not to glare back at him.

“You can go.” He finally said and the both of you walked up the ramp onto the wooden boat. There were enough people to make you nervous, even when you have passed the test. He must have noticed it because he wrapped an arm around your back and pushed you toward the side of the boat, where you had a view of the sea.

It still didn’t stop the shaking.

“Thank you.” You whispered to him. You weren’t sure how you would have gotten here if it weren’t for him. You couldn’t believe you had even made it this far. Whatever possessed you to have asked him must be strong.

The journey wasn’t too long. By nightfall, you could see land.

“That’s your home?” He asked and you sighed.

“Somewhere there.” You said softly. It was time. “Well,” You turned around to face him. “I suppose this is where we part ways. Thank you, for your help all this time.” His lips were pursed and he looked almost…sad.

“Good luck.” He said.

“You too.” You smiled as the boat came to a stop. A line began forming but you hesitated to join it.

“Go, you don’t want to be left behind when it’s getting late.”

You look at the growing crowd for a moment then back at him. “I hope you get your revenge.” You said and his eyes shifted. This was the first time he looked soft while he was awake. “And most of all, I hope you heal from it.”

Without another word, you left to join the line. You didn’t want to waste his time anymore. You’ve taken enough. But for some reason, you felt slight despair at the thought of this being your last moment with him.

Perhaps because he had helped you so much, you thought you owed him more than your thanks and…

His locket!

You stopped in your tracks and turned around to find him again, only to collide with two armed guards, fine swords strapped to their waists. They glared down at you and you felt the tiniest under their piercing gaze.

“Your pass.” They demanded. Your mind was going blank. They were going to catch you. All your lies were here to reveal the truth. They were grabbing you by the hair, pulling your lips apart so that you would-

“Dear, why have you gone so quickly?”

His voice rang with clarity, bouncing off the walls of your skull.

You looked up to your side, stunned that he had appeared out of nowhere to save you. He smiled at you then looked back up at the guards.

“Apologies, my wife…she’s rather nervous.” You swallowed and bowed your head.

“Well, you should learn how to keep her in check.” The guard hissed and you clenched the locket tighter in your hand. “What business do you have here?”

“We are paying a visit to my family.”

“Where?”

“Just north of the fallen village.” The guard asked for a pass and he gave it. You found yourself holding your breath again. Once he took a good look, he gave it back then crouched to whisper in your ear.

“I won’t be so lenient next time.” He threatened and you kept your head low.

“Thank you gentlemen. I hope you have a nice rest of your day.” He said and pulled you towards the line, where you could finally breathe, or rather, pant.

“Why’d you turn back?” He asked as soon as the two of you were off the boat.

“Oh,” In the midst of chaos, you forgot why you were almost in trouble. “Here.” You passed the locket to him as the two of you walked. He stared at it in his palm. You thought he would have been more excited.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat and clasped it around his neck.

The only sounds you could hear were your soft footsteps in the snow. This part of the country was colder. There was not much you remember before you were taken from here, but the icy wind would always be a comfort to you.

As the two of you walked into your quiet village, you noticed how barren it was. There were no more lights, no more life. The only sign of it was far ahead, where you could see the orange glow of a town. However, your own village was empty and quiet, only the wind hissing in your ears.

It felt as if your home was ripped away from you at the same time you were.

As the two of you kept walking, you passed a familiar sight, the prayer board. You changed your direction and walked towards it. It felt as if you were your child self again, running to it to write your wishes down.

You touched the wooden cards. How many of these children’s wishes were unfulfilled? How many children clung onto their hopes when they were attacked? How many people did these boards fail?

Your fingertips hovered over the silent prayers these people had. The ones on the top read prayers of protection, of safety for their family. Wishes for salvation, hope for escape.

It tore at your heart.

Your family were among these people.

“Hey, are you alright?” His voice brought you back and made you realise you were tearing up. You quickly wiped them away.

“Yeah, just cold.” He didn’t seem convinced but that didn’t matter to you. “My home is this way.” You were starting to walk but he stopped you.

“Wait,” You watched him strike one of the good matches against the table and he lit a prayer stick before placing it in the bowl of ash, covered by the snow. Then he put his palms against each other and closed his eyes.

You weren’t sure what to feel. You were angry that these prayers never worked, so why would you do one right now? But watching how at peace he was at praying, it made you want to try again, just one more time.

So you clasped your hands together and you thought of what you wished you could say.

To my family, more than anything I wish that you are at peace.

To my neighbours, I hope that you travelled safely.

To him, I hope that your revenge helps you find yourself again.

Once you were finished, you took a step back and bowed. If they were going to answer any prayers, these should be the ones.

He did the same and the two of you continued walking. You weren’t feeling joyful enough to talk yet and he didn’t seem to push it. Surprisingly, the silent walk wasn’t dreadful.

When you stopped in front of your home, it took everything in you not to turn away. You didn’t understand why you were afraid. There were no more monsters, no more soldiers who would take you away. You had come so far, this was your chance.

You went up the steps slowly and slid open the door. Once you slipped off your shoes, you took soft steps on the wooden floors. The cabinets of the kitchen were open, some destroyed. The window was broken and snow had piled into the room, covering the dried food that was left here for ages. There was barely a smell, with the breeze coming in to whisk it away.

The bedrooms were more intact. Your parents’ mats and blankets were pushed to the wall, undone. The wallpaper was peeling. The window had not been shattered but the mess was an indication that uninvited guests were here. There were bottles of alcohol across the floor and spots of red across the walls.

You didn’t want to see more, but it was as if you could still hear their screams echo.

Finally, you were in your bedroom. The door had been kicked down and all your drawers were emptied, its contents scattered across the floor. You were only a child. The toys were all over the floor and some were broken into pieces.

You bent down to pick some of them up slowly, as if you could break them even more. Your necklaces were all broken, and the beads were dispersed across the floor. Some beads were crushed and others were hidden underneath your mat.

They’ve destroyed everything, including yourself.

Seeing your childhood doll sitting in a corner made you twitch. You loved this little, bear. Its fur was damp and it looked upset, as if it had missed you. You shouldn’t have left it. How would it have protected itself?

The tears started coming and you found yourself clenching your fist around the doll. Your breaths were getting heavier and you could sense the familiar flame of anger rise in you. How could you let this happen to something you love?

You were dizzy with anguish. It was consuming you in ways you didn’t think possible. You had never felt so much fury. You had never felt so much pain swim through your blood. You didn’t know grief could cloud your vision.

How dare you?

How dare you live a life after everything you left behind?

How dare you hold your head up high when your family died for you?

Crash.

The sound snapped you out of your thoughts and you noticed red on your palm. You weren’t sure if it was the tears or the sadness, but either way, you couldn’t see anything nor could you feel anything.

You must be dreaming this. How were you supposed to bleed if you couldn’t feel pain?

Are you…

…okay?

Are…okay?

You didn’t notice he came in. He had you by the shoulders and he was shaking you.

“What’s wrong?” He was looking at you, but his gaze seemed to have shifted to the rest of you. Through blurry eyes, you watched him realise the blood on your palm.

“I…I shouldn’t be here.” You sobbed. What have you done to deserve to breathe? What have you done to be here? Why, you?

You were getting too lightheaded. The air was too thin and you were shaking with every breath. It didn’t take long for the world to turn dark around you.

You woke up to moonlight shining down on you through your windows. You were covered with a blanket and you could feel a soft mat under your back. After looking around for a few seconds, you remembered where you were.

You tried to sit up but as you used your hand to support yourself, you felt a sharp pain shooting up your arm, causing you to wince and pull away.

“You’re still injured, it’s better to not use that for a while.” He came out from the shadows, where your bear doll sat before you passed out. You looked at your palm. He had wrapped it nicely and there was no blood that had seeped through. He must have changed it often while you were asleep.

“Thank you.” You muttered and he just nodded.

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble.” He didn’t respond at first. However, he sighed and sat closer to you.

“I won’t question you for doing the things you want to do. It’s not my place.” He said softly. “I know this was important for you.”

You looked down at your palms. You thought this would bring you closure. You thought that seeing your home again would bring you peace. You had hoped it would be a good reminder of your childhood.

But all this has only brought you devastation.

“Thank you.” You murmured as tears slipped out from your eyes.

“We should head back soon.”

“We?” You croaked as you looked back up at him. You had expected that he would desert you by now. He had his locket and nothing left to owe you.

“Yes,” He shifted his eyes to look at you. “We.”

When the two of you stepped out of your house, it felt as if you were breathing new air. He stepped out after you and slid the door closed, as if he was doing a favour to whoever was inside. You had convinced him to go to the nearby town, where you could get some food before your journey back home.

With much hesitation, he finally allowed it. So, here the two of you were, standing before the street lined with food carts and children running to and fro with their new paper crafts. It was a wonder that the village was still bustling at this time. There must have been some important celebration.

As much as this brought light back into your heart, you noticed that he was still cautious. His eyes kept shifting and the grip on his sword was tight. He didn’t seem to be letting his guard down.

“Are you alright?” You asked him as the two of you kept walking. He nodded his head but you weren’t convinced. “What about some food? I think noodles sound like a good idea right now, don’t you think?” He looked at you, as if to question your choices.

You stopped walking and stood in front of him, halting him too. “Hey, I’m okay. This,” You raised your injured hand. “Will go away soon. You don’t have to worry.” You smiled at him and you could see his eyes soften for a moment.

“That’s-”

A loud firework from behind you drowned his voice away. Its loud pop also covered the scream that you let out and let you hide the embarrassment of having jumped from it. You were relieved to find that everyone else had been too distracted by the pretty sparklers for them to notice your embarrassing stunt.

Except the man whose arms you had jumped into. Everyone else except him.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You quickly pulled away from him once you noticed. You kept your face down. It was enough to have him catch you, he didn’t need to see how red you were. As you pretended to brush down your clothes, you wished he would say something to break this tension.

He cleared his throat and you watched his shadow grow over you. Before he could do anything, you quickly spoke.

“I’ll be right back!” You squealed before you ran off into the crowd, hoping the people would allow you to drown your embarrassment within them.

How foolish…

You kept jogging until you slipped between stalls and managed to hide behind a house. Once you were alone, you finally crouched against the wall and drew a deep breath.

You threatened this man, how were you embarrassed over falling into his arms?

You shook your head in disbelief at yourself. That was too embarrassing to live down. As you waited for your heart to stop beating so rapidly, you looked at your wrapped hand. The cloth was thin and you wondered where he must have gotten it. You started to think about what happened. You were too angry to see that you had hurt yourself, too wrecked to understand how broken you actually were.

You wondered what he thought of you. You hoped he had not seen you as the coward that you saw yourself as.

When you heard footsteps coming towards you, you moved to stand. As you took a moment to recollect yourself, you thought about what you should say to him. Another apology wouldn’t make sense. Another lie to cover your embarrassment wouldn’t work either.

“I…” You turned to look at him and your stomach dropped when you noticed it wasn’t him. Two men pointed their spears at you and another walked in between them towards you.

“Who are-”

“Take her.” The man in the middle spoke and before you could reply, the other two were already dragging you away from the village, away from the crowd that would have been safer, away from him.

“I don’t…I don’t have anything! Please, let me go!” They pulled you onto a cart, where they tied your wrists together, all while you were pleading for your life. “Please,” You whimpered. This couldn’t be real. Why were these men taking you away? Why…

“You’re going to tell us everything you know about him right now. And if we don’t get enough answers, it’s your life we take.” One of them threatened but you kept shaking your head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! Please, let me go.” You pleaded as they put a sack over your face.

“Where is he? The man you travelled with.”

Oh.

It’s about him.

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I came alone.” You lied quieter.

“Tell us the truth. We won’t hurt you if you do.” You shook your head again. They had come to hurt him and they were using you for it.

You could let them. You could lead them to him and have him fight for his life. You could be safe.

But why would you after everything he had done for you? Why would you betray him when he wrapped your wound? Why would you feed him to his enemies when he has shown you so much kindness?

You couldn’t see anything through this bag over your head. It was too dark to make out what was happening.

“I’m going to ask you one more time.” The man speaking was so close to your ear, you felt his breath on your cheek. “Where is he?”

“I’m not telling you.”

Stupid.

An order was given as soon as you finished speaking. You had no time to run. They had started to pull your hair and hit you everywhere, asking again and again the same question.

Where is he?

As you felt pain in all sorts of places and you cried out for them to stop, you wondered where he could be. You wished he would save you.

But you also wished he would run away, so that maybe, he would at least be safe.

As your vision turned dark and you tasted blood on your lips, you whispered his name slowly. Quiet enough so they wouldn’t have caught it and gentle enough so you wouldn’t forget.

How many more times must I go through this?

“You have failed again.”

How many more times must she die for me to finally get it right?

All I wanted was justice. All I wanted was the satisfaction of his blood on my hands.

It was never supposed to be her. It was never supposed to be anyone else but him.

I am tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to see her suffer because of me again. I just…

I want to rest.

There’s that blinding light again.

“Go.”

If I stay here forever, she will live.

I don’t care what happens to me. I just want her to be alright.

“Go.”

Must I really?

“Save her and you shall get the vengeance you seek.”

There’s a future, a time, a round, when she finally doesn’t end up dying. There will be an end to this game, this torment, this cycle.

There’s that light again.

I can only hope it is different this time.

He found himself in front of the library again, where he knew he would find you. Your coworker had left, at the same time he always did. The glowing light coming from inside belonged to you, as always.

He would walk in with this wound and he would let you treat him. Then you would steal from him and he would need to take you to your hometown. You would get hurt and he would treat you. You would insist on going to the village and you would get taken.

Then you would be killed.

He would find your body and realise he had failed again. He would know, by seeing the blood seeping from your skull that he wasn’t able to protect you, that he had done something wrong again.

He had been here so many times. He had tried so many things to keep you safe and all his attempts had been futile. He didn’t remember the first time anymore, it was all such a blur to him. They, whoever had trapped him here, said something about anger being his burden.

He found it ridiculous. His burden was this, needing to save you to quench his thirst for revenge. He was no hidden. He was simply a murderer that existed alongside them.

Everytime he begged you when he burst through the doors, he was hoping you would leave him alone. He was hoping you would turn him away and he would be free from this fate. But you, your kind heart and intelligent self, you always took him in.

He had memorised your face. He had seen you so many times and yet something was always different.

You always cared for him, even when he didn’t deserve it. He always wondered, would you be any different if you knew your fate?

Would you have turned away if you knew getting intertwined with him meant death?

Regardless of the answer, he himself had no choice. He always had to fight for you, almost as if he was born to protect you and the heavens wouldn’t let him rest until he did.

You were humming when you treated him. Your touch was gentle and you winced even though he was the one having alcohol poured onto his flesh. He thought it might have been strange for him to think of you as anything more than just another passerby in his life.

But repeating the same scenes with you hundreds of times had made something different for him.

He learned to actually care for you and he began to want to protect you. It was no longer just about his revenge. He wanted to make sure you could get out of this hell unscathed, well, mostly.

When the two of you arrived at your hometown and he stopped you to pray, he had hoped it would give you something to believe in again. Every time you saw your village again, he watched it shatter you to pieces, and it silently broke him too.

He, too, said a prayer.

In one instance, you had actually asked him what he prayed for but he didn’t dare say. He was afraid you would run off.

All his prayers were the same. He didn’t think it possible to ever want anything else.

In all the times you passed your bedroom, you hurt yourself and passed out. In all those times, he had to treat you and plead it was the last time. In the latter half of those times, he would step out and do everything he could to not end his life, to not blame himself once again, to not leave you alone.

And even though you had jumped in his arms so many times, his heart still beat rapidly, as if it was the first time all over again.

He had watched you die too many times. Hearing their kicks against your face and body along with your yelps of pain haunted him. He still had trouble sleeping until now.

You had never fully survived your kidnapping. There were a few times that you had managed to hang on, but the loss of memories was too severe for you to live on. He remembered the first time you survived, vividly.

He brought you back to your home, where he drew a warm bath for you and he gathered all the medicine he could. When he realized that you were coming up with a fever and he had found nothing within your own cabinets, he let you fall asleep and then he returned to the village for supplies.

When he came back to you, the house was a mess. You were flinging things onto walls when he came into your room. You looked crazed, crying and bleeding all at once. And when his eyes locked with yours, he knew he was a stranger.

“Hey,” He gently placed his sword and supplies on the wooden floor before he took careful steps to you.

You screamed and threw a jewellery box at him, which he was able to avoid with ease. But his worry did not disappear, for the sight of you like this broke him all the same.

“Please,” He took another step toward you, reaching out for the person inside you that knew him. But it was no use pleading with a stranger.

“You did this! You took me away!” You sobbed and threw another toy at him, which he blocked with his forearms. He thought you had mistook him for a soldier.

“No,” He shook his head slowly and held his palms out in surrender. “I’m not one of them.” All while walking slowly to get closer. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He whispered.

You looked terrified. He would never be able to erase that look on your face. You looked at him with such disgust, it was a wonder you once cared about his stitches.

***

“Please, let me help you.” His eyes shifted to your palms, where the wrap was gone and blood dripped down your fingers. There were scratch marks everywhere he could see, on your neck and shoulder, red, fresh stripes. “You’re bleeding and you’re not feeling well.” He said slowly. With every breath he took, he took another step towards you.

“I…I don’t know where I am.” You whimpered and he could see you opening up to him. “W-Who are you?” You gasped through tears.

The man that held his hand out for you was no longer someone you had built a relationship with. He was a ghost to you.

“I…” He couldn’t find himself finishing the words. As he looked at the state of you, he felt this sharp pain in his chest. It didn’t matter who he was. You had lost your mind and you were afraid.

Of the world, of him, and most importantly, yourself.

“I don’t understand anything.” You cried. “I don’t…I don’t know who…” You were breathing so hard, your body collapsed. He quickly ducked and took you in his arms, for the second time that day.

You were murmuring something that he couldn’t make out. Regardless, his attention was elsewhere. Besides the scratches and bleeding palm, he noticed the cuts you had everywhere.

Foolish boy…

He should have never left you alone.

“Please…” You exhaled and he felt warmth rising in his face. “Please make it stop.” He looked at you, growing limp in his arms and your body bleeding out.

“I’ll get some medicine, just hang on.” He said but you started whimpering in his embrace. You continued to scratch yourself and he watched helplessly as your nails dug into your skin.

“Don’t do that, please.” He tried to stop you but you hit him. You slapped his chest and screamed for you to let go of you. That’s when he had that inkling feeling of doom.

***

He wished you knew that it wasn’t because it hurt. He was stronger than that. He also wanted you to know that it wasn’t because he couldn’t bear the burden of a screaming woman.

Regardless, he realised that his reason was selfish anyways. He didn’t want to watch you in pain anymore. So he took you in his arms and he shushed you gently, whispering to you.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. I promise.”

It took you a while but once you were no longer pushing him away, he whispered a goodbye. Then very quickly, he broke his heart and snapped your neck.

He would never call himself a hero. Not after everything he had done. Seeing your face again after his murder almost made him burst into tears. You were still so kind, protected from the truth of what he had done to you before.

Killing you made him lose faith.

He screamed at the skies, cursing the deities that placed him in this cycle for their sick lesson.

“How many?” He yelled. “How many more times until you let me go?” He was furious and the tears wouldn’t stop.

“How many more times does she die? How many more times do I hurt her?” He pleaded on his knees as he screamed the words into the endless night. The stars didn’t answer, as much as he wished they would.

He tried everything to end his life, jumping off houses, slicing his wrists, surrendering himself. It was as if it was a game and the only way to complete this was to achieve his mission of revenge, which could only come after saving you.

Time and time again, he watched the same scenes pass by him as if they were seasons. He wanted to break free. He wanted this to end.

So now, as he stood before you in this village once again, having travelled the same route as the two of you had before, he silently hoped that this time, it would be different.

When you ran away, he made sure to follow you. He knew that you needed some air after what you would call an embarrassing moment, which he respectfully disagreed with. But after all the times he had watched you die, he had learned that he needed to stay close to you.

As he waited for his enemies to come, he watched how nervous you were, squatting down and murmuring to yourself about how foolish you were to jump in his arms. If the circumstances weren’t so dire, he may allow himself to swoon.

He was hiding underneath the shadow of a rooftop, where he watched and waited for his time to strike and to hopefully, save you. He had to get it right this time. He couldn’t possibly live with the terror forever.

There was no other option.

“Take her.” The familiar order of the armed men pushed him to act.

He immediately jumped down in between you and the armed men, running the risk of being pierced as he fell from the sky. He heard you stutter his name as he fend the two of you off from danger.

“Cut off his head.” The middle man hissed and at once, the other two lunged forward to attack him. Without a second thought, he pushed you aside and yelled at you to hide.

As he fought the two men, he hoped that you had found a safer place. As soon as you were out of sight, he didn’t have to hold back.

There were only three bodies, the biggest being the one in the middle. As one of them wrestled him, the other tried to reach for his legs to trip him. But he was faster and he was able to throw the man on top of him to the ground.

As that one struggled to get up, the other pounced on him, throwing him off his balance. Their two bodies toppled onto the floor, where his enemy straddled him and began punching his face. After a few hits, he began to taste blood.

Knowing he wouldn’t last long enough, he reached for a stone and smashed it against the man’s skull. He heard a wet sound then a thud. But this didn’t faze him as he stood and faced the two other men.

The one he threw off himself had gotten up and he was obviously starting to be tired. His breathing was ragged and he had drawn a spear to protect himself.

He took a deep breath and drew his sword.

Give me the strength to complete my duty.

In one swift move, he chopped the spear off then proceeded to stab the man holding it. The tip of his sword glimmered underneath the moonlight, and blood dropped from its metal shine. There was no noise from him when he pulled the blade back, just the sound of his insides being passed.

When he lifted his eyes to the largest man, he gripped onto his sword again, steadying it in front of him.

“Take me to him, your master.” He exhaled but the soldier didn’t budge. Instead he brought out a hammer and charged at him.

He ducked underneath his arms and managed to escape onto the other side, where he regained his posture. The large man turned and yelled before he brought his hammer down again. His size made him slower, an advantage he wasn’t afraid to take.

He jumped up onto his shoulders, where he took the man’s head in his hands and pulled at it. His fingers dug into his cheeks and eyes and his enemy’s cries of pain told him it was working.

Even though he was slower, he was stronger.

With a fling, he had taken him off his shoulders and thrown him onto the ground. The impact knocked the wind out of his lungs and he was struggling to climb back up.

As the large man towered over him, he saw the blood streaming down his eye sockets and he thought about his next move.

He had to survive this. He was so close.

He looked for his sword and noticed the familiar glimmer not too far away. He pulled himself to his feet and scurried to his weapon, grabbing it before he was attacked again. Once it was back in his hands, he took a deep breath and ran towards the giant, with his blade raised high.

Zing.

He sliced through the man’s neck, his blood splattered all over himself. He felt the droplets on his face and smelled it in the air.

It was over.

He had saved you.

The wind tonight soothed his wounds and the silence gave him a moment of peace before he looked for you. He found you hiding between the walls of two houses with your knees up to your chest. You were shaking when he approached you.

“Hey,” He breathed out and the sight of him seemed to have startled you. That’s when he realised all the blood he was covered in. “Sorry.” He murmured as he covered himself with his sleeve.

But you only cried and threw your arms around him.

“I was so scared.” You whispered.

“It’s okay.” He placed his sword on the ground and took a breath, taking a breath of your hair. “You’re safe now.”

Hearing you cry made his own heart bubble. He had fought so hard for this moment.

It was over.

You finally lived.

He helped you return to town and that was where he parted ways before he was finally able to return to his journey. He didn’t want to make you sad, he had enough of that.

“Stay safe.” He said before he parted ways with you. As he walked away, he fought every fiber in him to turn back. He wanted to reach his destiny, kill him, and finally earn the revenge he fought tooth and nail for.

It was pleasant to see the look of surprise on the master’s face when he burst through the doors. Even more so, it was satisfying to see how helpless he was. With no men to guard him, no swords to fight for him.

This ‘king’ was afraid of him, the man with a sword, the man he spat on and underestimated, the man he decided to take from.

“Please…I beg you.” The sight of him shivering made him want to laugh. He did not endure a hundred days of suffering for him to give up.

This was what he came for. This was the job he was going to finish.

“This is mercy.” He said.

As he raised his sword in the air, he whispered his lost loved one’s name.

Then he sliced the king’s head off.

As he walked outside into the forest again, having rained terror on his enemy’s home, he felt as if he could finally breathe again. His knees buckled onto the snow, creating deep, bloody, indents on white. The cold numbed his wounds and he found himself thinking about you.

Perhaps you were at the library again, dreaming of this other life that you had a few days ago. Perhaps he could go see you.

Perhaps, the two of you could start over. He could be normal and his sword would hang as memory. He would walk you to your job at the library and he would help out at a local printing store. Maybe he could learn to trust and love again.

Let me see her.

If it weren’t for the dark edges of his vision growing and the heavy pain growing from his stomach, perhaps he could have mustered enough strength to find you again. But he was only able to lay there, staring at the branches that carried piles of snow.

You had better be safe. This weight was too heavy for him to carry again.

It might have been the snow that numbed his fingertips, but it could have also easily been the thousand cuts from guards he passed. Regardless, it didn’t matter.

You were safe.

You were home.

You were free.

He could only think of his prayer as he let it take over.

I pray that this is the last time we will be each others’ undoing.

epilogue.

A second chance, as they say.

“This is where most of us usually are. So, if you ever need help, this is where you can find us.” She pointed towards the kitchen, where a few of her colleagues were chatting.

“And this is where you are.” The tour guide said before stopping by a room. “Your partner should be here soon, if not yet inside. You’ll be working closely together so make sure you get to know her.”

He nodded then went inside.

It was a small workstation, with one oval-shaped table in the middle and about four seats in total. A whiteboard was hoisted on the right wall and he could see that scribbles were recently erased.

There were no paintings or posters but shelves of history books decorated the small space they had. He set his things down by one of the chairs and he waited for his partner. People always said he was an expert at hiding nerves. But he knew they just didn’t notice the tiny flinches he made or the rapid bouncing of his legs.

A knock on the door woke him from his self-made trance.

“Excuse me?”

He cleared his throat and stood from his seat to greet her. She stumbled in with a stack of books and a cup of coffee on top of her laptop. He immediately went to help her keep the door open as she tried her best to carefully place her things on the desk. Once she was done organising her things, she finally looked up at him, wide smile and all.

“Thank you.” She breathed out.

He nodded. Just as he was about to turn back to his desk, she reached her hand out.

“Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m…” He slid his hand in hers and shook it firmly.

“Nice to…”

As if there was a string all along…

She let out a small chuckle, eyebrows furrowed as if she was confused. “Have we met before?” She asked.

We intertwine again.

a/n: ho ho ho! a 10k story?!?! i had been wanting to do a time travel fic for a bit and i finally found the way to do it. i tried my best to make this angsty and sad but i am not sure how sad it turned out to be but i do hope it is to some degree, devastating. one thing i did want to sort of do was i made the first part present tense because i figured the reader could have lost most of her memories but because she held on so tightly to his name, she managed to remember that first time they met, which she will ofc always hold dear to her heart. anyways, i hope you enjoyed and i will try my best to get things out but i've been so busy! trying to get back on that angst grind. thank you for reading and i appreciate each one of you <3

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sweethartlullaby · 2 years ago

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venus is here

word count: 445 genre: angst? you can always imagine whoever you would like. but i wrote this as inspired by Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton story.

Slight BRIDGERTON spoilers...

Venus, it was known as the planet of love. And perhaps that was the reason why George adored it so much. It might have also been the reason why he was so certain that it was her. When she wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, and softly spoke to him. He knew she had to be the ultimate personification of the planet he had been studying. She was beautiful and bright, just as the planet was when she saw it. He wondered if she viewed it with as much admiration as he did. He reckoned it must have felt like she was looking at a mirror. He revered Venus, and he translated all he saw into her.

From the very first time he saw her smile, he had burned that image onto his being and every time he looked at her through his telescope, he could feel the warmth and love she had for him in that garden. And every time he thought of how he had shunned her, it sent him into a spiral that he was unable to crawl out of. He was at the bottom of a well, trying to reach out to Venus in a way that would make her understand that he didn’t mean to hurt her, that it was simply too difficult of a fate that he had subjected her to. He couldn’t face her after leaving her in that hall. But oh, the need for him to hold her again, to kiss her the way they did on their wedding day. He believed the only way he could ever meet her again was through the magnifying glass he had in his observatory. The only room where he felt free enough to be himself, away from the fear of revealing his being to her.

Yet, his joy poured out of him when she came for him. Supposedly, what he had failed to understand was that she did not see him as the same monster as he did. He was her Venus. And when he hid under that bed, hiding from the heavens, he was afraid of what would happen when she was so close. And yet, that was perhaps the first time he had ever felt so safe while so near to the one he adored. So as the heavens haunted him, and the world stood outside his door, his Venus laid next to him, holding his hand and smiling the same unforgettable smile he had etched onto his mind. In that moment, he supposed that the one he had been chasing had been her after all. His Venus, beautiful and loving Charlotte, everlasting and evergreen in his memory.

a/n: I absolutely loved this series and all the promos and edits afterwards. I was listening to my playlist I had of Bridgerton soundtracks and I had used Venus as the cover and “planet of love” as the description and it just got me to think about well, this. I hope it made sense and I am thinking of editing in maybe one day but I just want to post it because I’m so excited. I loved writing it and the idea of how he had been seeking her for so long and to finally be so close to her. I hope that you guys enjoyed this too and if you didn’t watch it, I encourage you to do so!

#Bridgerton #bridgerton season three #queen charlotte #king george #king george bridgerton #queen charlotte bridgerton #corey mylchreest #india amarteifio #kpop #bts #Svt #sweethartlullaby ꕤ

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sweethartlullaby · 2 years ago

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invisible people

word count: 207 genre: angst sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“I just wish you saw me.”

“I wished for once, that it wasn’t about her and what she lost or what she felt. I wished for once, it was me you listened to. I answer the same questions she does and yet I still feel so...small. What should I do? What more should I give up for you to notice me?

Is it my fault? Why do you dismiss me so? Why do I not matter? Am I too quiet? Am I too replaceable? Am I that forgettable? Need I scream? Need I beg? Why does it matter more when it happens to her?

I grip the counter until my knuckles turn white. I’m too angry to cry. I’m too proud to admit my jealousy out loud. I’m too weak to hate.

I’m too tired to keep feeling this way too. I’m tired of feeling so empty, so useless, so helpless. I despise the rising green in my throat when I hear her name. This toxicity, I must escape.

I look in the mirror and I see the red fade away from my face, and I feel my body relax. The sadness, the anger, the acceptance; all familiar stages of being what I am.

Another invisible soul.

#heartbreak #angst #invisible #loneliest #kpop imagines #sweethartlullaby ꕤ #bts #Svt

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

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i thought i was yours

word count: 872 genre: angst, cheating boyfriend as always, imagine who you would like... find part ii here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“I can explain!” The sounds of his shouts won’t stop anytime soon but you can’t bring yourself to open your door for him. Not yet.

“Please just hear me out!”

The neighbors have stopped yelling at him by now, but he hasn’t lowered his voice at all. It’s slightly embarrassing but you are hoping he had gone by now.

“Baby please, just let me…”

“Leave or I’m calling the cops!” Someone yells out. You look out your window to see him facing towards the building next to him, arguing with the man on his balcony. This goes on for another five minutes, and you see more windows light up, indicating the many people having their sleep interrupted by this boy of yours.

With a shake of your head, you grab your jacket and head down the stairs.

“Go on! Press the button! Yeah, I see you!” He’s still yelling when you approach him. He only stops when the man goes back inside his room, leaving the fool alone.

“I knew it.” He says and he turns, presumably to start yelling for you again. But then he sees you in your robe, arms crossed and clearly tired.

“Baby,” He breathes and even though the word sends chills down your spine, you don’t falter. You just turn back to your building and start heading back up to your room. It takes him a second before he follows, like the puppy he is.

He takes his shoes off before he goes into your apartment and it makes you think that even though he was such an asshole, he had his manners. You lock the door behind yourself and tell him to take a seat.

“Thanks for letting me in.” He says quietly. He looks nervous, just like the day he asked you out officially. Elbows on his put-together knees, the uncertain look on his face. This was the man you fell for.

“Are you cold?” You ask. Everything is so silent now and you feel yourself holding your breath.

“N-No.” He looks up at you and you have to tear your eyes away from him. It makes you want to forgive him for all the heartbreak he has caused you. It makes you want to crash into him again, despite all the cuts that it will give you.

“Have you eaten anything lately?” He looks around your apartment and only then you realize the large pile of fast food bags in the corner. You grimace to yourself, a small reminder to clean this place up later.

“You can’t have McDonald's every day you know.” He says softly, looking back at you.

“Yeah, you know how I am when my boyfriend decides to cheat.” You say, a small, nervous smile on your face. Even saying the word makes you want to vomit and makes your skin crawl.

“Baby,”

“Don’t call me that.” You feel your face heat up and your fists are starting to clench.

“Makes me sick knowing you probably called her that too.” You laugh a little before you bring your knees up to your chest. He was the one who told you to do this. When he was away for long weeks and you missed him, he told you to hug yourself like this so you feel warm. How can the same person that you felt loved by be the one to erase your sense of being at the same time?

“That’s not-”

“Oh? Did you call her something else?”

“Baby-”

“You’re not here because I want reconciliation.” You say, voice fueled by anger and sadness. His face drops and it hits you that he too is realizing this is truly over.

“Wait no please,” He falls to his knees in front of you, fingers away from your body. “I promise, it was one time.” He pleads, but you stand and walk away from him even though he chases you. You can’t share the same air with him, it breaks you to even have him here.

“How am I supposed to trust you again?” Your voice is breathless as you ask the question, not the rhetoric. You desperately want the answer. You love him. You want him to stay. You’re silently begging him to give you a solution, to convince you that it might work.

But he stays silent, just as speechless as you are.

This is it. There’s no answer. There are no makeup kisses, nothing that can get you to truly forgive him. You will always have doubts. You will always be on the edge. You will never be able to let go with him.

It’s late, and he doesn’t have a car. The buses will come later and he can’t be walking around at night like this. You hate that you still worry for him.

“Just leave in the morning, you can take your stuff with you.” You say and you stand aside to show him the box that you compiled over the past week. All his clothes, his gifts, all the letters he sent that you thought meant something. Then, you head back to your room without looking at him. As you close your door, you take a deep breath and you finally feel the tears on your face.

a/n: hello hello! i was thinking of a more "breakup and makeup" scenario but this was just what came out at the end. let me know if you still want to read that! i might make a second part to this but we will see! thank you so much for reading!

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Text

was it worth it?

word count: 684 genre/theme: angst, dating as a bet as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

He sees her standing there, and his heart drops. The cash roll is slipping through his fingers but he cannot bring himself to tighten his hold.

He opens his mouth to call her but she’s already out, and the bell ringing signals her exit. He takes a heavy step towards her but she’s already running and getting smaller in his vision. Before he can think, he’s already running after her down the street.

He yells her name when she’s back in sight, but she doesn’t stop. The streets are emptier, and the pavement still smells wet from the rain earlier tonight.

He shouts as he picks his speed up, determined to catch up to her. He has to explain, he has to get his side of the story out to her. He can’t let her leave with the thought that she is nothing to him.

He keeps chasing her, and the smaller alleys make him nervous. But she won’t stop and he has to get to her. And it’s not just because he needs to explain himself, but he doesn’t think it’s safe for her to be alone here. He finally pushes himself to run to her, and he grabs her wrist before turning her to face him.

“Listen to me.” She won’t face him, but he sees her tear-streaked face and his heart breaks.

“You lied to me.” She murmurs, and he loosens his hold on her small wrist, but not letting her go.

“It’s not like that.”

“Then, what is it like? You didn’t date me for money?” She nudges her chin towards the cash in his other hand. Wordless, he almost loses his grip on her. But he remembers that this is about more than that. She is worth more than the amount he holds. She has to know.

“Why me? Why couldn’t you just break another girl’s heart and stay out of my life? Why approach me?” She sobs.

He remembers the day he asked her out when it was just a bet at the time. He didn’t need the money, but he couldn’t forever be seen as the boy who can’t speak to a girl. So his eyes searched the room until they stopped at her. The girl he always had an eye for but could never find the right words for.

Yet that day, he didn’t know what came over him as he approached her; as if he had done it a million times. He opened his mouth to introduce himself but the words got caught in his throat and her friends started giggling amongst themselves. Yet, she just smiled at him.

She introduces herself.

He does the same, with a nervous grin.

“Nice to meet you.” She shook his hand and that was the beginning.

And now, it is all in shambles in front of him. How can he explain himself? Anything he says will sound like an excuse.

“Did you ever even like me?” She asks, disappointment clear in her voice.

“Yes, I did. Please,” He gets closer to her, as he begs her with everything he is.

“This is real. You and I, we are real to me.” He whispers and brings her face up to his. But all he sees is anger and agony and his hand trembles despite his effort to hold his ground. She releases herself from his grip and shakes her head.

“I don’t ever want to see you again.” She hisses, and time suddenly freezes. He hopes that he’s dreaming because he can’t find a way out of this otherwise. He chokes on every word he wants to scream and he watches as she slips into the darkness again, leaving him to mourn in the silence by himself. He can’t feel anything, not the ghost of her hand still in his, not the warmth of her body next to him, not the tears on his cheeks, not the numbness about to swallow him whole.

He stands there, helpless as the woman he wants forever with walks away from him. And the worst part is that it is all his fault.

a/n: hello!! i made a few changes to my blog and i added a masterlist which i will pin! you will be able to find all my works there. i hope you enjoyed this and since i am on a break right now, i am trying to write as much as possible so that i can just post those stories later on! thank you so much for your support and for reading. i hope you enjoyed!

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Note

omg i loveeeed the cheating boyfriend scenario! so well written! please make a part 2 🥹🥹

word count: 1063 genre: angst this is part ii to the cheating boyfriend scenario!find part i here find part iii here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist songs: too sad to dance - jeon jungkook

He’s stumbling a little too much and that means he has drunk too much. The bottle in his hand is slipping and he knows that he has to go to the bank if he wants some more.

It’s been three weeks now since you chased him away and he is still trying to live with his stupidity. He cannot believe he has lost you. He cannot believe he let you go. He spends his days at work, slaving away to avoid the single thought of you. And he usually spends his nights drinking alone at home, fixed in front of a screen playing a video game or a movie. He tends to avoid the latter, since all he has in his home are the ones you like.

He trips over his feet and laughter escapes him. The sloppy kind that makes it clear he is too wasted to be on his own. He throws the bottle down the street, hearing it crash against a lamppost.

How similar we are.

He keeps walking, tripping over his steps every now and then and having to hold onto door handles, lampposts, and trash cans to gain his balance again. He finally stops when he sees it. The warm orange light pouring onto the streets, welcoming him inside.

The man goes in before he takes a look around. He doesn’t know how he got here but it must be fate. Whatever it is, he is too drunk too care. Everything sways around him as he staggers into a seat.

As he figured, there’s not a lot of people left. You two would often meet here, in the 24 hour library that the both of you call your home away from home. He lays down on his arms placed on the table and looks at the empty seat across him. If he squints, he can see you typing away on your laptop or writing in your book, murmuring things to yourself that only you understand.

He sighs and buries his face into the bend of his elbow. Why is he here? He isn’t supposed to be thinking of you. It hurts him too much.

He hates that he’s a shitty person. He hates that he cheated. He hates that he hurt you. If he can go back to change it all, he will. If he wakes up tomorrow and you’re next to him again, he’ll never let you go. But instead he’s here, crying across the seat you should be in, sobbing as quietly as possible because he’s scared that if he cries too loudly, he will not stop.

I miss you so much, damn it.

He wishes the alcohol was enough. He wishes that it can erase you. He wishes it can take him back. He wishes for so much. He wishes he can meet you and start over. He wishes that you were here to comfort him. He wishes that he wasn’t him. He wishes that he did better. He wishes that you got a better version of him.

He cannot count the amount of times he has cried for you in his bed, or the amount of times he has woken up startled, hoping he can feel your warmth. The amount of times he has murmured apologies in his sleep.

He closes his eyes and prays that you’re okay. He shuts them tight and hopes to rid himself of his sins.

And soon enough, he falls asleep.

He wakes with a backache and with blurry vision. Then he looks around to check where he has ended up this morning. He doesn’t remember anything from last night. After a stretch in his seat and a sigh, he reckons he probably smells like alcohol and dirt so he gets up to leave.

But something catches the corner of his eye and he sees a book. He must’ve been staring at it for too long because a worker calls out that someone had left that for him last night and told them it isn’t to be taken away from him.

The man opens the book and as soon as he reads the front page, he feels as if his head clears.

“Isn’t this the sweetest thing?” You show him an opened book and on the front was a message along with the title, ‘learning from your mistakes’.

“You weren’t one” He reads and he shrugs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, looking over the page fondly.

“Well, what if it’s stupid to forgive the person who made the mistake?” He asks, setting his book down then going to wrap his arms around you.

“Well you see…”

He doesn’t remember much of what you said. Fate and whatnot, all he knew was he didn’t ever have to worry about losing you because he would have never made a mistake like that.

He traces the lines written on the page and he feels like crying again. And this time it’s sober and raw and real nonetheless. His chest heaves up and down as he sobs onto the book.

He misses you so much that it aches inside of him. He cannot breathe through his tears and all he wants is to reach into the pages to go back to that moment. He wants to hear your voice again, telling him the exact words that are on this page.

It’s the only way he can learn to forgive himself. It’s the only way he can live on without hating himself and every fiber that he is made of. It’s the only way he doesn’t tear the skin that holds him together. He doesn’t know if you will ever forgive him. He doesn’t know if you will ever trust him again.

He knows he has to try; that this is a sign to do so. But he’s afraid that you will shut him out and that this is in vain. But love, love is often a shot in the dark. He can only walk through these steps with caution until you tell him that you’ll let him in again.

He brings the book home and he places it by his nightstand. Every night before bed, he looks at the words and he remembers you. He’s trying to not make it hurt anymore. He’s trying to be stronger for you.

And every night, he prays he will be that man for you.

a/n: AHHHHHHHHH MY FIRST ASKKKKK i was so excited when i saw this that i just had to write it immediately. please pardon any mistakes. i hope you enjoy this! i didn't want to write a makeup scene because i feel that it will be too fake but if that is something that you want please let me know!

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Note

Are you gonna do a part 4 of the cheating imagine? I don’t mind if they don’t get back together, but I would at least want to see YN happier :(

word count: 515 genre/theme: angst, fluff (?) as always imagine who you would like... find part i herefind part ii herefind part iii here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

You check your phone…again. Still nothing.

Maybe he isn’t coming,

Maybe he forgot.

He probably did.

You’ve left the movie tickets in your pocket, knowing well that it’d be crumpled up if you are holding onto it. Most people have gone in and the room feels colder. You feel lonely, standing here in the center, with all the ticket booths facing you.

Two workers have come to tell you that the movie is about to start but you keep saying you’re waiting for someone. The movie should be starting in about five minutes.

And he’s still not here.

You feel weird and your legs feel like they’re going to buckle underneath you soon. So you quickly make your way to the bathroom, trying to look as least awkward as possible.

You fix your hair for about five minutes, changing the way it looks every few seconds. And you keep washing your hands. You check your reflection every time you’re about to leave to make sure you still look decent. When your mind is occupied with whether the shirt is on right, you don’t feel like crying.

When you finally come out of the bathroom, the lobby is still empty. You take the tickets out of your pocket and stare at them. Out of all the thoughts running in your head, the only one that feels justified is how your money is going to waste.

You’re about to throw them away when you hear your name being called. Without a second thought, you look up to see him running through the entrance. In his hand, he holds what seems to be a small bouquet of flowers and in the other, a card.

You blink at him, tickets on the edge of your fingertips.

“I…” He pants.

“It took…longer than ex…pected at the…florist.” He lets out, breathless between each word.

“I’m sorry, I thought I’d make it.” He takes a deep breath and hands you the two objects. The flowers are yellow and just looking at them made you feel a little better inside. The card had a cartoon bear holding a heart at the front. When you opened it, you saw the scribbled words ‘I’m glad we are doing this. I hope you are too.’ in his signature handwriting.

You smiled, and the urge to cry washed away.

“I know the movie started a while ago, but I’d still like to watch it with you.” He says. You haven’t seen him like this, shy and timid, in a while. It makes your heart flutter.

You nod.

“I brought some snacks too.” You show him your bag full of treats, illegally brought in from outside. He laughs and you feel his smile is the brightest it has ever been. Then, he does the unexpected.

He wraps his arms around you.

“I know I say this a lot, but I’m really thankful you’re here. I won’t screw this up, I promise.” He whispers into your hair.

You melt into his embrace before bringing your arms up to hold him. And even though you don’t say it, he knows.

a/n: hello!!!! i've been soooo busy with so many things so i am so sorry for disappearing. but i saw the asks and i had to come back just for a bit to write! i hope you like this. when i read the ask, i was laughing a bit from the excitement (of getting an ask) and also because my page is mostly angst and i rarely end with happy characters haha. regardless, i am open to almost anything so please keep asking! if you have a song recomm for this part or any of the parts at all, please comment or send it over! i always love hearing what you guys thought or felt when reading my writings! thank you so much for asking (they always make my day) and thank you for reading! i apologize for any mistakes and the delay!

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Note

hi again! i really loved part 2 of the cheating scenario i loveee your writing! i think the breakup and make up idea is good, could u write it ? 🥹

word count: 1027 genre/theme: angst (ofc), new beginnings as always, imagine who you would like... find part i here find part ii here find part iv here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist songs: can't go back - troye sivan (recommended by anonymous!)

He has anemones today.

No yelling. Just wait for her.

He sits on the bench just outside of your apartment and he waits. It’s a Friday, which means that you’ll be home early, which is soon. He checks the flowers and makes sure that they aren’t wilting. He used to buy flowers for you early on, but after a while, he just stopped.

He got comfortable.

He hasn’t touched a drink in months but he still finds it tempting when you reject him. He has been in this exact spot for weeks now. Every Friday, he sits there and he waits for you to come back home, wishing that this time, you’ll look at him and hopefully speak to him.

All the times he has done this, you walk past him and never come out again. He waits outside for an hour or so before he leaves the flowers on the bench and walks away. And every Friday, he tells himself that he has to try, that maybe this time it truly is different.

He keeps checking the flowers, sometimes standing to stretch out his legs as he checks the time. It should be any minute now.

And then he finally sees you.

You are walking slowly this time and he fights the urge to call you. He sits there and he wishes and waits. And then you do the impossible.

You approach him and he is too startled to say anything. He just moves to the side as you sit and leaves ample space between the two of you.

“What are they?” You murmur.

“Uhm,” He can feel his heart thump against the flesh in his chest.

“A-Anemones.”

You only chuckle weakly.

“For new beginnings?” You finally turn to him and he has to keep it in himself to not burst at the seams.

“Yeah, the old man told me they were his wife’s favorite.”

“Did they break up too at some point?” You ask.

“Didn’t get to ask.” He places the flowers near you and retreats back to his own space.

It’s silent for a while and he can feel his hands shaking but he isn’t sure if it is because he is excited that you’re finally acknowledging him or because he’s too nervous for what you’ll say.

“I keep all of them.” You suddenly say.

“Sorry?”

“They’re all, at least the alive ones, in my living room. You give so many that I have some in jars that I saved.” You laugh a little and he finds himself smiling as he fidgets with his fingers.

Silence again.

“I thought you’d have lots to say, considering you’ve been coming here for a long time.”

He only nods slowly. He had so much to say before but now that he’s here, he can’t find the right words to blurt out. His silent stature now is quite a contrast to the thought that he would be on his knees, begging her to take him back.

“So, do you?”

“Hm?” He asks.

“Do you have a lot to say?” Your eyes are glassy and all his nervousness has washed away. He just stares back and he finds himself lost in you. He has looked at you a million times, kissed you a hundred, and held you for longer. Yet he feels that he is looking at you for the first time again. He is just as drawn, just as enticed, and just as helpless around you.

“I…” He takes a deep breath and he is about to speak when she bursts into tears. He can only stare for a moment. He doesn’t know what to do as you sob in front of him.

“Why’d you even do it? Why’d you cheat?” He opens his mouth to speak.

“Why couldn’t you just break up with me like a man or tell me how you felt?” You beg and he shudders. He thought that you were better, that you had moved on from him.

But you look so torn here now. And he feels so helpless, just like that night you told him to leave. He sees the tears in your eyes and he tries to stop himself from blurting out the tells of blame he used to say to himself each night.

You pick the flowers and caress the petals gently.

“You could’ve just left.” You murmur, shaking his core. You were right. He could have. So why didn’t he?

“I-”

“No,” His voice trembles.

“No, I…need to say this. I am sorry.” He looks right at you. He hopes that this reaches the both of you. He doesn’t want nights of torment anymore. And he knows, he knows it is unfair for him to ask for forgiveness, for so much from you. But he needs to hear you to say that you forgive him.

But he doesn’t.

You sob silently across him and he feels that it’s hours before he decides that he should leave. He wants to stay but your cries have died down and only the moon sits by with the both of you. He should let you be. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have gone to see you. Maybe he is pressuring you too much.

He stands to leave.

“Stay.” You say.

He stops.

“Just stay with me for a while.”

He sits.

“Just be here for a bit. I’ll probably still be mad at you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, all the way until Friday where I’ll see you here again.”

“And then I’ll be sad again before the cycle begins again.”

He stays silent.

“But I don’t want it to stay that way forever.” You say softly. The two of you sit there, with only each others’ breaths audible. He is trying to take in that you want things to change between the two of you.

“And yet, I don’t know what I can change.”

You finally stand and he thinks that you’ve changed your mind.

But then you say, “So I guess I’ll see you next Friday then.”

He looks at you with wide eyes and a small smile breaks out of him.

“I’ll see you next Friday.”

a/n: thank you so much for requesting again! i know that this one took a while but i'm off my break so i have less time! but i will still try to write a bit :( i also wanted to say please drop in the comments any thoughts you had about the fic! whether it's song recs you think fits well with this one, or who you imagined. i'd love to hear what you thought about it! hope to see you soon!

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sweethartlullaby · 9 months ago

Text

your hidden words

word count: 952 genre/theme: fluff as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

The snow falls gently outside of the window and you wonder what each snowflake feels when it touches the ground.

“You ready?” His voice pulls you back to the studio, where all the blinding lights are pointed at both of you. You smile at him nervously and he returns it.

“3.”

Two.

“1.”

“Welcome back to the final season of our podcast…” You smile at the camera as your counterpart introduces the both of you. After your introduction, he brings up the phrase of the day.

“We’re learning how to use ‘I’m not…’ today.”

There’s something strange about how you feel today. Maybe it’s because it’s because the podcast you’ve held dear to your heart is ending soon. But you know it’s probably because this is the last week you will spend with him.

Your heart aches at the thought that’s been keeping you up at night.

“So, how do we say ‘I’m not lying.’ in this language?” He turns to you for an answer that your mind is scrambling to get. Your eyes drift to his flashcards and immediately answer, smile and all.

He grins at you and turns back to the camera. When the camera pans onto you, he grabs the hand on your lap and gives it a light squeeze, shooting a blush up your cheeks. He pulls away as soon as the camera zooms out to the both of you.

“And a lot of boys like to use, ‘You’re beautiful, I’m not lying.’ as their pickup line.” You say and he laughs.

“Do you disagree?” You turn to him and he shakes his head.

“Just so our viewers know, I’ve never used such a tacky line before.”

“Oh, really?” You ask sarcastically and he raises an eyebrow at you, the grin still plastered on his face. “Tell us, what is your secret technique.” He resists at first but when he eventually gives in, he turns to you and says…

“I’m not lying, I think your hand fits perfectly with mine.” His eyes burrow into yours and it takes you a few seconds to tap out and chuckle, trying to wave off his strong gaze with your hand.

“I hate to break it to you, but that’s just as tacky.” You say and he laughs. You’re fidgeting with your own fingers underneath the table as you struggle with not bursting at the seams for the last five minutes of this episode.

When the lights come back on and everyone starts packing, you finally let out a short breath and your co-star turns to you, still grinning.

“You can stop smiling now. The cameras are off.” You joke and he shakes his head.

“You haven’t answered me.”

“I wasn’t aware you asked a question.” You raised an eyebrow and he chewed down on his lip as his arms crossed upon his broad chest.

“You’re right, it wasn’t really a question, much more an invitation.” You’re still lost, so you lean in and look up at him, raising both eyebrows this time. He chuckles and lowers his lips to your ears, whispering sweet words.

“Do you want to check if your hand fits perfectly with mine?” Your cheeks warm and you have to clench your hands again, but before you can, his fingers have slid into the gaps between yours, eliciting a short gasp from you.

You turn to him sharply, eyes widened with alert, but he looks calm and if anything, his smile is wider.

“Someone will-”

“Bye you two! Thank you for your hard work!” The last crew member leaves and it is just the two of you. He pulls you just an inch closer and he can’t seem to take his eyes off of you.

You, likewise.

“A-Aren’t you going home?” You raise yourself high, even after stuttering.

“You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” He whispers and he brushes a few strands of hair away from your neck, tucking them behind your ear.

“The episode is over. You don’t have to tell me more of your tacky one-liners.” You mumble and you feel yourself closing in on him.

“Then tell me,” He pulls away just as you feel his breath on your skin and he sits on his chair. “Do you think I’m saying this for the episode?” His hand is still holding onto yours as he gazes into you endearingly. He pulls you closer and you let him, close to sitting on the chair next to him…

Or his lap.

You try to hide your smile and he pulls you onto his seat, letting you rest on top of his thighs.

“You’re not fighting me.” He mumbles.

“Maybe I’m just too nice.” You say and cock your head to the side.

“Or maybe you want to accept my invitation?” You can’t tell if it’s him being a tease or if it’s hope that you let him in. Regardless, you find yourself nearing your lips to his. Your eyes flick to his and you have to hand it to him, he’s hiding all nervousness really well, even though his pupils are shaking.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He begs and you can’t help but smile.

“Why?”

“It does things to me.” His words come out hot and breathy, and you feel a swirl in your stomach, a tingling in your fingers.

“Oh,” Your eyes soften. “What’s going to happen if I actually take your hand?” His lip darts out to lick his lower lip, to which the swirling intensifies.

“Please do it.” He pleads and you almost laugh at how quick he switches. “Please take my hand.”

“Okay sweet boy.” You mutter and slowly take his free hand, lining your fingers up with his. “Ask me out.”

a/n: yay! she finally wrote!

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Text

but you liked me bad

word count: 664 genre/theme: toxic reader as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

You could only lean over the edge a little bit before he pulled you back.

“Are you stupid or crazy?” You looked into his eyes. He was concerned, exactly how you wanted him to be.

You leaned in close to him, lips inches away.

“Are you worried?” You muttered.

“Stop that.” His cheeks blushed. He looked cute when he was worried about you. You took a step back from him and then breathed out a cloud of vapor. Winter wasn’t here and yet, your heart was already ice cold.

You took a seat on the edge, legs dangling over the city beneath you. It took him a few moments before he sat next to you, cross-legged. He was probably wondering the same question as you. What were you guys? What was this magnetic pull you seemed to have on him? Why did he show up? Why couldn’t he keep away?

Then he asked the most important question of all.

“Why did you call me?” You were impressed. His voice wasn’t shaking and he had the guts to speak up.

“I wanted to.”

“You said you had something to tell me.”

“I lied.”

“If you’re going to act like this,” You immediately faced him.

“You’re going to leave?” You challenged him. He was frozen, between the colder air and your words, you were hoping it was the latter.

“I…” You stood up and brushed your clothes.

“Go on, leave then.” You nudged towards the door. He sighed before he stood up.

“You can’t keep calling me just to chase me away.”

“If you want me to stop, then don’t pick up.” You said before taking a step towards him.

“Unless,” You placed your hands on his shoulders and leaned in close. He still had the same perfume. He still used the same soap. He smelled like home, but you would never admit that out loud.

“You don’t want me to stop calling you?” You mumbled, tracing your lips against his skin.

“Stop.” He breathed but you knew him too well. It came out like a gasp, a secret signal to say he wanted more.

“Or what?” You looked up at him with those eyes he adored so much.

“We’re not good for each other.” He whispered but you didn’t look away.

“I know.” You left a soft kiss on the corner of his lip.

“But you want me, right?”

He was right, or rather, half right. You weren’t good for him. You knew which buttons to push to make him come back, you knew the right things to say and do to make him want you again. You knew it would all end in flames but you still wanted it. You wanted the pain, the fights, the storms in your relationship. You wanted to see him beg for you, devour you with each kiss, hold you like this was the last time he would. You knew what made him tick.

But he didn’t deserve that. No, this was where he was wrong. See, it wasn’t that he wasn’t good for you. In your world, where everything had a clock, he had always seen you as eternity. He wanted you, wholly, fully. He truly loved you.

And even though you knew that, you couldn’t bring yourself to give it back. So you twisted him around and you played him like a fiddle. Even when he left, you didn’t wake up. You pulled him back in your bed and you did what you pleased.

Some part of you wished he would just say-

“No.”

“I don’t want you like this anymore.”

He took a step away from you. It was a strange feeling as if you were looking at yourself from another perspective. You could see your confusion. You could feel the heat of embarrassment. The air was suddenly colder and you had the urge to laugh or cry. You weren’t sure.

“This is the end. I hope we don’t meet again.”

Then he just left you.

a/n: i honestly thought this was going to be a good challenge for me, to write something with the reader being in the wrong. but i actually really disliked the experience. i kind of felt like scrubbing my brain clean after this. i kept thinking of people i didn't want to think about and it messed with me so there's that. but at least i tried it! thank you again for your support and i hope you liked this and that it turned out well. i might try this again in the future but right now i need a full cleanse. i will try to go back to my angsty writing soon!

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Note

omg how about unrequited love but fluff at the end

word count: 2341 genre/theme: a little angst, fluff at the end, unrequited love, fake dating songs: heather - conan gray as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“You’re lying.”

“Why would I do that?” His head tilts backwards a little as he laughs and you can’t help but smile too.

“I know you have a +4 in there! It’s all over your face.” You point at the last card in his hands and he shakes his head again.

“No, I swear on my life. You can put your card down and you’ll see.” He says. You glare at him before you take a matching card and place it on the pile.

“Bet it’s a four-coloured one too.” You mutter and just as you finish speaking, he slams the predicted card onto the pile, declaring himself the winner.

“I knew it!”

“And yet you still lost.” You throw your cards at him.

“That’s the fifth lost now. I’m assuming you’re giving up?” He asks. But when you open your mouth to answer, his phone rings. He takes a look at it and you aren’t sure if it’s his screen or his face actually lights up.

He doesn’t need to say it for you to tell him.

“Go ahead, she’ll stop texting if you take too long.” You gather the cards into your hands and stack them neatly. He’s putting on his jacket when you place the cards back into their box and onto the shelf.

You can’t even look at him.

He should’ve left moments ago, but you haven’t heard the door click.

“Hey, tonight was fun.” You brace yourself to meet his eyes.

“Let’s do it again.” And there it is.

The glint of mischief that draws you in every time. You never know what he means when you see that look in his eyes. Does he want to spend more time with you? Wasn’t this supposed to be a strictly professional deal? He gets the girl and you lose the ex. Why does he come to your house, eat dinner with your family, play cards with you; if at the end of it all, he just runs back to her?

Why do you feel this ache every time he leaves? And it grows even more when it’s because of her? Why do you not want this to stop…ever?

“Yeah, stay safe.” You mutter and he gives you half a smile before he leaves.

You don’t want to be here.

You don’t like the flashing lights, the muffled noises that seep through the cracks and spaces of the house. You don’t like the amount of people that have tried to dance on you this past hour either. But most importantly, you don’t like the way your mind, hazed with alcohol, is paired with the drink in one hand, and your phone in the other, scrolling through your contacts.

Where is it…

You know you can’t but you have no sense left in you. Your friend is who knows where, probably with another in the bathroom, kissing the night away. You giggle as you click on his contact. It’s almost like a game. Do you dare to press call? What will you say? Whatever it is, it can’t be good.

You sigh and laugh a little as you place your phone’s face down, away from you.

“I wish I was kissing someone.” You say to yourself.

“No, I wish I was kissing him.” You sigh as you trace the invisible lines of his lips in the air. You don’t usually talk about your feelings out loud. But you’re alone in a room, on the grand floor of this glorious spare room that no one has bothered to check. It’s a good thing. The silence is your friend and you are able to say what you think with no cost.

“I should call him and tell him to pick me up. Tell him I’m lonely and that I need him. Maybe then…” Your words trail off and your fingers are frozen in the air.

“Maybe then, he’ll choose me.”

“I can treat him better. I won’t throw him aside, or push him away.” You roll onto your side and your palms are flat on the cold floor.

“I’d love him the way he wants to be loved.” You whisper and close your eyes.

You can’t tell the exact moment you liked him. You just started to feel so good around him. You seem to smile more when he sends a text. And you laugh at his jokes more. You ask him for his opinion on things and he does the same.

Maybe it was the time he took you to eat things you hadn’t before. Or it was the time he immediately called you when you told him you were scared after watching a horror movie. Or was it the time he called you pretty?

He probably does it on purpose. He’s trying to pair the good chemicals in my brain with the things he does so I like him.

He just wants me to like him.

“All to leave me high and dry.”

You can’t remember anything from last night. Your head is a mess and everything anyone says is a bunch of jumbled words. Why did you do that when you have a 10 a.m. class?

You stumble into your seat, which you shrink into to avoid the prying eyes. The back row is usually empty, and you thank the heavens for it because you cannot talk to anyone today without vomiting the words, and although hopefully not, possibly your dinner from last night.

Thirty minutes in and you are fighting the urge to doze off. The only reason you are here is for attendance. You can’t comprehend anything the professor is saying and your hands are struggling to write.

“Hey,” His voice makes you jump from your seat and you turn to see the rest of his very real body next to you.

“Please don’t yell, my brain will explode.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Shh.” You shush him and he shakes his head before he takes a thermos out from his backpack and places it on your desk.

“What’s this?” You croak.

“Hangover soup.” He whispers as you twist the bottle open. The steam wafts into the air before you take a sip, loving the warmth it gives your body.

“God, I love yo-” You stop yourself before you finish. It must be the leftover alcohol chasing the words off your tongue.

“The soup. I love the soup.” You whisper before placing it back down on the desk.

“Well, I’m glad. Mom says it might’ve been too unbalanced.” He sinks into his seat and that’s when you realize.

“You made this for me?”

“Yeah, I mean…you sounded pretty drunk last night and I thought-”

“What?” You interrupt. You pray you didn’t hear that right.

“Oh, no I meant your friend told me you got pretty drunk and she called me because she couldn’t find you.”

“Oh.” You relax back into your chair.

“Yeah, she said you were wasted and was worried about you. Glad to see you made it back safe though.” He says and you nod.

“I don’t even know how I am alive right now.” You groan before pulling your hoodie down your face. He chuckles and pats your head.

“There, there, we all make mistakes like these. Next time, bring me along so I can keep you in check.” You nod slowly, keeping your blushing red face away from his view.

How does he know where to poke you, making your insides turn? How does he make the butterflies flap again and again? How do you never get sick of it?

“Don’t you have class?” You ask after you clear your throat.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” You look up at him.

“Just felt like being here today.”

“You’re lying.”

But there is no laughter in his tone, and no smile that goes with it. His eyes are pleading you and yet you cannot bring yourself to say the words.

“No.”

“Yes, you are. Just tell me.”

“Tell you what?” You demand. Your chest is heaving and your hands are trembling as you pace the room. It feels like you can’t breathe properly.

You stop in a corner and lean against the wall, taking in as much as you can in every single breath. You wish you had more to drink or just any way to get out of this. He approaches you and holds you by the shoulders.

“Tell me,” He says firmly. Your eyes can’t leave him and he isn’t backing away. This cannot be real.

“Tell me that you want me because I swear,” He’s trapping you into the corner, and every breath you take draws him closer.

“I’m going to lose it if you don’t.”

You have to stop yourself.

You can’t do what you want to do. You can’t kiss him, you can’t let him push you against this wall with his lips, oh his soft lips. You can’t let his hands do the things you want him to do. You must control yourself. You must stand tall. You must not give in.

It’s another one of his tricks.

He’s going to back off and laugh at you later. He’s going to trot away with the girl he’s been wanting for months now, the girl he used to drone on about for hours, the girl…he seems to have rarely brought up lately.

Strange.

“You’re lying.” You whisper. Your heart is thumping out of your chest and it’s almost as if you can feel it touching his.

“You don’t want me. You want her. You’ve always wanted her.” He doesn’t move.

“You can’t want me.” You feel your cheeks getting hot. Was it the drinks you had with him just a while ago?

“She’s prettier, she’s Heather! She’s the one you’ve-”

“Shut up.” He breathes and your lungs almost go still.

“Just shut up and answer me. I didn’t ask about her. Don’t mess with me. How do you feel?”

There are about a hundred ways that you can answer this. You’ve collected them over the past year. There are the answers of truth, the lies, the ones you wish were true, and finally just nothing.

You wish you were over him. You wish that his gaze didn’t pierce into yours like a hook, pulling you closer. You wish this was easier. You wish you had forgotten him.

Because then you won’t want to kiss him. You won’t want to wrap your arms around him and let him lift you. You won’t want him whispering your name into your ear. You won’t want him to be the one to bring you hangover soup every time you get drunk over him. You won’t want him to be the one who answers your call when you’re sad, alone, or scared. You won’t want him to be the one who finally loves you back.

But deep down, you know there’s no potion that can undo this knot of anguish, joy, laughter, and tears inside of you. There’s no spell that can ever make you forget the way he is looking at you right now.

With desperation, hunger, and need.

After almost three months of going back and forth, unsure of how to escape the prison of one-sided love. How do you answer to him?

“I…” You look up at him. What if it’s the wrong answer?

“I don’t.” You breathe out. He looks stunned as if he wasn’t expecting that answer.

“She’s the one you like.” You whisper as he backs away.

“But-”

“I’m telling you the truth.” You say, clenching your hands into fists. You have always been the better liar.

You get your things and head for the door. You have to leave now, or he will see the hesitation in your glassy eyes.

“I’m assuming our deal is off. Good luck.” You leave the room and the man inside, hoping to never see him again.

A few weeks pass and you find yourself in the back row of that lecture again, scrolling through your phone as you can’t be bothered to listen to the professor. He didn’t text you nor did he call. It stings, but you know you can’t hold yourself together like that again if he-

You see a figure, two seats away from you. And you turn to see him.

Of course, it’s him.

It’s the second time this month now that you want to sink into this very chair. He doesn’t say anything. You’re thankful.

Ten minutes later, he passes you a note.

You hesitate before you take it in your hands and open it.

Three words, and you hate that it makes you smile.

“I knew it.”

optional ending!

“Hey, I found this great movie for us to…” You enter the kitchen to see that he has set up candles and bowls of noodles. You sigh as your lips curl into a smile. This feels like a dream.

“Happy anniversary darling.” He offers you a glass of wine and you take it before he takes your hand and gently twirls you around.

“It’s been a little over a year since you lied to me about your feelings. And if I weren’t the smart boy that I am,” You laugh.

“Then I wouldn’t be the happiest man alive.” He kisses you with lips that still feel like clouds.

“I still don’t know how I got you.” He mumbles before he nuzzles his face into your neck.

“And I still don’t know how it took you so long.” You roll your eyes. He immediately pulls back.

“It’s only because you lied!”

“Oh, so you always liked me and never thought of the other girl?”

“Never! I only had eyes for you.”

“Who’s lying now?” You tease. He takes your glass of wine and places it on the counter before he lifts you into his arms and smothers your face in kisses. He whirls you around the room, making you clutch onto him for dear life.

“You make me so damn happy, you know?” He says once he stops.

“Same for you.” You grin before pressing your lips onto his.

a/n: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING! i know this is so late but i do hope that you like it! i don't usually write fluff because i don't want it to sound cringe or anything like that so i tried to kind of keep it light fluff! i don't know if this was angsty at all but i do hope that you guys enjoy! as for the 'i knew it' part, if you didn't get it, it's basically supposed to be like "i knew you liked me. you can't lie to me." anyways! finals season is coming up (can you hear my tears falling onto the floor) and i've been swamped with work. but thank you so much for all your support always. i love getting the messages you guys send and all the comments! thank you, thank you, thank you. you give me reason to write and keep this account alive. i hope you have a good day/night!

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sweethartlullaby · 10 months ago

Text

what i wanted you to tell me

word count: 860 genre/theme: angst, language! as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

He looks furious and the pinch in your gut is telling you to run, but you stand your ground, with tears slipping down your skin and shaking fists.

“You used me.” You whisper and he whips his head to you, eyes blazing with the utmost fury. “You can’t even lie to yourself about it because you know it too.” Your lungs heave as your eyes burrow into him, digging into his icy heart.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“How can I not?” You demand with a roar clawing out of your throat. “I thought you were everything. I wanted you to be everything.” You almost yell. “And you,” The sigh that comes out resembles the gust of winds that accompany tornadoes. “You saw me as nothing more than just some hotel; that you could stay in when you wanted and you just left when you felt like it, no commitment, no strings, just when you wanted a change of scenery.”

He shakes his head and sighs but his sounds like laughter, and it makes your stomach churn.

“You don’t get it.” He says and there’s an upset smile on his face.

“No, you don’t get it. You don’t get how you treated me like absolute shit and you’re still in denial about it.” Anger boils within you as you point an accusing finger at you. His head shakes the whole time you speak, even as he drags a hand down his face. “I don’t understand what ego you must have for it to be this difficult to admit that you fucked-”

“I would have fucking stayed.”

The air seems to whoosh out of your lungs within the second that follows his words. He is looking anywhere but you and when the light shines on his face the right way, you see the wet streaks under his eyes.

“I wanted you.” He looks down and for some reason, you find yourself making your way to him. “As much as you wanted me.” The steps stop. You’ve heard this before. It was there when you asked him that night in the empty restaurant, whether he really loved you. And when the both of you walked along the beach, and you asked if this was all a dream. But it was there when he left you and told you that he didn’t want this anymore.

It was then you questioned whether it was all a lie.

Your senses can’t lie.

But he can.

And just like then, you still find yourself drawn to him.

“I wanted it to be us.” He finally faces you and the smile is gone.

“You’re lying.”

He sighs out and he shakes his head. “You know what your problem is?” He clenches his jaw and you cross your arms, all sentiment of him erased.

“You don’t fucking see yourself the way everyone else does. You keep talking about how no one likes you back and how no one would ever appreciate you in the way that you wanted to be appreciated.”

“And you know what that does? That clouds your fucking vision.”

You try not to shake from his words.

“No, I wanted you. I tried my ultimate best to give you what it was you deserved. But I can’t fucking change your mind! I can’t erase all the evidence that you have in your head for you to just see me!” He waves his arms in the air. His eyes haven’t left you until now.

“I loved you and that night broke me as much as it did you.”

“But you still did it.” You quickly say.

“I had to.” You shake your head.

“That’s where we’re different. You would’ve fought for me because you knew I was doing the same for you. You would’ve told me what you were so afraid of because then, I would’ve held your fucking hand and I would’ve walked us through it.”

“You’re right, my vision is clouded. But you can’t blame me when you added to this pile of evidence. There were a hundred different ways you could’ve done it. There are tons of possibilities that could have emerged from us.”

“You could’ve not been an asshole. You could’ve stayed with me. You could’ve just left me alone. You could’ve spared me from yourself.” His face drops at the last few words and you feel a twinge of guilt.

“You don’t get to blame me after everything. You don’t get to walk away and put it all on my soul, on my doing, on my being!” You hiss. “I spent years trying to erase you while you threw yourself into other’s beds. It doesn’t make sense. I can’t see the way your words and your actions tie together.” You sigh.

“Most importantly, if you really loved me, you would’ve come back.”

“But seeing this,” You feel your heart drop as you realize that it is never going to happen. This isn’t going to be the fairytale ending you wanted all those years ago. “I know that we’ll never work.”

You feel it, in the air, in your bones.

It isn't only your heart that broke from those words.

a/n: a short one! i did want this to be a makeup story but for some reason i'm kind of leaning more into these sad ones more hehe. maybe i might write like a makeup thing but i'm not sure yet! so if you really want it, then let me know <3

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sweethartlullaby · 1 year ago

Text

the coffee shop where she worked

word count: 2767 genre/theme: angst, accidents, stupid situations that could have been avoided (fr) as always, imagine who you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

The first time I met her is one I like to call a core memory.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of her since he walked in. The way her hair fell across the span of her shoulders mesmerized him and her voice as she took his order was a little too enchanting for him to forget.

His banana bread and cup of coffee were all finished but he didn’t want to leave. He had been caught staring twice in the last half an hour. He was the first to look away both times. His phone buzzed, forcing him to tear his eyes away from her and he looked at the notification.

Are you still coming over?

He looked at the time and cursed to himself as he left the plate and cup at the counter. He was about to leave when she asked him, “Did you like it?”

He stood still for a moment, his mind blank.

“U-Uh, yes I did…very much…it was…the best coffee I’ve ever had!” He stuttered, the words tumbling out of his mouth uncontrollably. She looked at him strangely, a smile hinted on her lips. He could feel his cheeks warm and as soon as he saw her open her mouth to say something, he immediately thanked her again and left quickly.

How can I face her again after that?

And when I saw my chance, I took it. She said it was a good thing I did.

“...to apply?”

“Sorry?” He hadn’t been paying attention to the older woman speaking for God knows how long now. She sighed and shook her head before she handed a form over to him.

“You’re here all the time. I figured you were looking for work.” He stared at the piece of paper for a long time while he debated it. He had loads of free time and this would definitely be better than sitting in front of his television for hours.

But the possibility of having shifts with her made him hesitate to write his name down. What if she told everyone else about him? He looked towards their kitchen. What if they were all laughing at him in there?

He took a deep breath. No, that was just his head. No one was laughing at him. She was nice to him. There was no reason for him to panic over anything at all!

“Are you applying?” A soft voice, too familiar to not send his hair standing, made him look up. She was looking at him curiously and he found his heart beating a little too quickly for comfort. He could smell her from how close she was.

“Well,” She rested her elbows on the counter and then smiled at him.

“The hours are really flexible if that is what you’re worried about.” Her apron was on. He hadn’t noticed her come in for her shift. He must have been staring at the paper for too long.

“Besides,” She nudges over to the older lady from before. “She’s really nice.”

He looked back down at the paper but only because he couldn’t take looking into her eyes for too long. His fingers fidgeted with the pen for a moment before he looked back up at her and smiled nervously.

“You promise she’s really nice?” He swore he saw her eyes light up before she burst into laughter. It was one of the most refreshing things he had ever heard in a while. Watching her made his own lips turn into a grin. She looked even better with a smile on her face.

He started working there the next Monday.

I know how to make a tiramisu cake because of her.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were here already.”

He was reading through the recipe when she walked in. She placed her bags on the counter and put her head through her apron before approaching him.

“Yeah, I just didn’t want to be late.” He murmured to himself before he looked up at her. And she was in front of him, back faced towards his body with the two loose strands of her apron hanging below his waist.

“Can you tie me up?” She asked and he took the strings before tying them into a ribbon with shaky hands. He tied it loose enough so she would be able to breathe. Once she had made sure that it was a good fit, she turned to the kitchen counter and looked at the recipe.

“Looks like we have tiramisu and strawberry cheesecake for today.” She read out as she nodded to herself.

“It’s your first time baking, right?” She asked him, to which he nodded with a tinge of shame.

“Well, it’s pretty simple! And tiramisu doesn’t require any actual baking so don’t worry!” She chirped and he found himself smiling along with her.

He watched carefully as she whipped the cream and he helped in mixing and stacking the layers of shortbread and cream on top of each other. She was patient and she was gentle when she told him about the mistakes he made. She was a great teacher and he realized he was nervous for nothing. At the end of their two hours, she went to open the shop as he placed their pieces up for display.

This was their routine for months. They opened the shop together every two days. He got to know more about her, such as how she always kept a clean workstation as they baked, and how she liked to measure everything to perfection except for the vanilla extract. He noticed that on her bad days, she would keep to herself, not humming a single song or murmuring the recipe to herself. And on the good days, she wouldn’t mind holding his hands to teach him how to knead bread or being ever so close to him so she could show the exact consistency the recipe worked best with.

She started to look different to him too. She started to always look…perfect. He didn’t mean to exaggerate at all. He had just caught himself staring for too long too many times. She was always friendly with customers and with those that were rude or too flirty, she always knew how to deal with them too.

“So, that’s two iced coffees with-”

“Yeah, who’s she?” He looked up from the screen and traced his customer’s eyes to her, who had just disappeared into the kitchen.

“She’s just one of my colleagues.” He said, feeling a shade of jealousy color him. “Anyways, that was two iced coffees and a slice of cheesecake, is that correct?”

“Can I get her number?” He gripped the corner of the screen before he breathed out a chuckle.

“We can’t just give out employee numbers. Now, how would you like to pay?”

“Oh come on, don’t be such a wuss. Give it to me.” The man turned to him for the first time in their whole conversation and he was hoping his face didn’t give him away.

“I can’t do that sir. Please pay, people are waiting for you.”

“Whatever, I’ll ask her myself later.” He scoffed before he tossed some cash onto the counter and moved away. While he sorted out the slips of money, he held back the urge to mutter insults and pushed himself to smile for the next customer.

Moments later, he heard her call out an order.

As if instinctively, he tore his eyes away from the customer and looked to see the man leaning over the counter to speak to her.

“...matcha latte.”

“Sorry?” Focus, if she wants to date him, that’s her choice! You can’t tell her no!

The customer repeated their order and he took it down hurriedly, so he could look at them again. But before the customer finished paying, he heard a giggle from beside him.

That was all he could think about for the rest of his shift.

“What’s up with you today?” She asked as the both of them packed their bags. It was lunch, which meant a change of shifts.

“Hm?” He turned to her.

“You seem so tense.”

“Oh, no it’s nothing. Are you heading home?”

“That depends…” She stepped out while he held the door for her.

“On what?” It was a Friday. He would usually find a new restaurant to try today but something in him told him to just go home and binge his comfort show.

“On what you’re doing.” He would have missed it if he hadn’t been captivated by everything she did. The slight twinkle in her eye as she expectantly looked at him and…was that a smile she was trying to hide?

“Uh-” He dragged it out for too long because she started to shake her head and wave the air around her as if to erase what she had said.

“Never mind, I am-”

“I go look for new restaurants to try.” He blurted out and everything seemed to pause for a moment before she burst into laughter.

“Do you want to go try a restaurant with me?” He asked slowly and she nodded. His heart did a thing. He wasn’t sure if it was a flip, or if it was his stomach, or the butterflies coming back alive. But was suddenly conscious of every single thing about him, now that she was looking at him. And not just with her eyes but the same way he had been looking at her for months now.

“What was on the menu today?” She asked as they began walking.

“I usually…wait, weren’t you talking to that customer today?” He asked. As much as he wanted it to be true, he needed to be sure.

“Oh, him? Nothing happened. He asked for my number and I said I was interested in someone already.”

“Oh,” It was almost comical, how fast his moods switched. But then she laughed again and he stopped in his tracks.

“What?”

“It’s you dumbass.” She faced him, cheeks flushed and the widest smile he had ever seen on her.

“I’m interested in you.”

We never wanted to rule the world. We were happy in our circle, with the cafe and our daily lives. I wouldn’t have wanted anything to change.

She suddenly sat up from the bed, face flushed from worry.

“What is it?”

“They’re closing down the cafe.”

“What?” He was beside her now, looking at the same tiny screen she was. Apparently, the owner had sold it to a huge company hoping to build their office in that neighborhood.

“No, this can’t be real.” She got up from their bed and threw on her jacket before running out of his house. He was still hopping on one foot, trying to push his foot into his other shoe as he chased her outside of his home.

“Wait!” He called as he jogged up to her. When he held her by the shoulders, he realized how heavily she was breathing.

“Baby,” He said softly.

“They can’t just destroy it. It makes no sense. She loves that cafe, she would never give it up like that.” He couldn’t blame her. Yet even though he could feel his own sadness creeping onto him, he knew he had to be there for her.

“I know, but let’s not storm out there right now okay? I’m sure she has her reasons and I don’t think we can understand her right now. So why don’t we just-”

“You don’t get it!” She shook off his grip, breaths escaping her heavily.

“I’ve been there longer. I know what it means to her, what it means to all of us! I can’t just stand by and watch it all collapse!”

“I do get it.”

“No, you don’t.” She shook her head before she began to march again but he immediately stopped her.

“What is it that I don’t get?” He asked with brows furrowed together. When she didn’t answer, he sighed.

“I get that I haven’t been working there as long as you have. But don’t you think it’s a bit harsh to tell me I don’t understand where you’re coming from?” In the most gentle way possible, he explained himself to her.

“Just let me go.”

“No, we are not doing this right now. You need to calm down and once we clearly know what we want to say, we can go.”

“You’re being such a boy!” He pulled himself back and his grip on her shoulder loosened.

“I have nothing else besides that job. She was the only one to take me in. How can you tell me to calm down?”

“I-”

“I’m not asking you to come with me.” She hissed. He felt as if he was talking to a stranger entirely. He could feel anger rising in him. How could she say that about him when he had only done what she asked? He never pushed, he never forced. He waited until it was right. He waited until she gave him the green light. To be reduced to the likes of a child was something he would expect from a parent, not from his girlfriend.

“Just leave me alone.” She stormed off and he was too stunned to follow her. He stood out there alone until his legs were able to move again. He didn’t want to chase after her. He wasn’t sure how to speak to her when she was like this. Everything he said could be wrong.

So he laid in bed for hours, waiting for her return.

Except she didn’t.

He waited for hours and she didn’t show up. Around ten, he called her. It was too late at night for her to still be ignoring him. But she still didn’t answer.

“Baby, please call me back. I’m sorry and worried. Please just answer the phone.”

“Hey, it’s me again. I get it if you’re still mad at me. But send me a text?”

“I’m getting really worried. Please call me back now.”

He didn’t count the amount of voice messages he sent. He only gave up on the phone calls when the voicemail was full. So he went over to the owner’s house and he only needed to knock on the door twice for her to answer.

“She stopped by earlier. She was really upset but I told her there was nothing I could do.” She explained.

“I offered to drop her off but she said she could find her way back.”

“She might’ve gone back to the cafe.” He thanked her before he ran towards the building. It wasn’t too far away but he hadn’t had to run in a while. Still, he pushed himself to keep going. He needed to find her and make sure she was okay.

Screw it if she pushes him away. He would drag her ass back home if he needed to.

As he approached the street, he noticed the flashing lights in front of him.

Blue.

Red.

Blue.

Red.

Breathless, he tried to snake his way around the crowd, trying his best to reach the other side. But then he sees it.

The unmoving figure that lay on the street. He began to hear whispers all around him but he wasn’t sure if they were real or not.

“Poor child, it was a hit and run.”

“What was she doing alone out here?”

The lights of the police cars and ambulance reflected against the pool of blood. He was frozen, unsure of what was happening; too afraid to know the truth. He watched as they placed a sheet over the body and just before they completely covered it, a familiar object caught his eye.

Almost as if it sparkled so he could see it.

It was hers.

“She loved. And she always said that life wouldn’t be what it is without it. She loved the cafe, her friends, and the family she had. She loved it when the clouds were dark but it wasn’t raining. She loved the idea of life in this small town forever. She never felt like it wasn’t enough for her. She loved donating the bakery’s leftovers to the shelter. She loved being the person she had always wanted to be. I hope she loved me. I hope she knows that even without the cafe, it wouldn’t have meant that everything was over. I hope she knows that we would have all been there for her, that I would have been there. I hope she knows I am not angry. I hope she is okay. I hope she knows that I will never forget her, that no one else will.”

a/n: wee-yoo! i haven't written something this long in a while. i hope you enjoyed it. i'm going to be posting this one on my ao3 too! i was thinking of making this a romcom thing but the angst just got to me :(. i hope everyone is well and i apologize for any mistakes! thank you for reading and i'll see you next time!

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